why his name is sayten



I exited the bathroom bleeding from several wounds, some of them serious and needing attention. It all happened so fast i didn't have time to think, its only a cat i reflected. I first met buster as I peered into the cat carrier he arrived in. He came from what my wife described as a nuts liberal vegetarian animal loving Liberian. I recall jenny mentioning some thing about the cat being a bit wild but i just blew her off . She would tell you that is a regular occurrence but i was just thinking, wild cat what ever I've dealt with wild before. Buster is house trained goes in a box and all so the plan was to let him be just that a house cat. because he may be a bit wild i put him in our master bathroom with all the comforts of a cat home food water etc. Letting him out of his carrier was uneventful he seemed a little tense but I've seen worse. He promptly retreated to the corner where he felt safe and I left him for the night so he could familiarise himself with hid new surroundings. The next morning as the jenny and the kids sat outside the bathroom anticipating the first look at there new pet i entered the room. I couldn't find him. there are not a lot of hiding spots in our bathroom so after a quick search we came face to face. i looked into a pair of eyes that seemed to say hold me I'm a scared little kitty. my hart melted i reached carefully to pet buster and boom he exploded. I have never in my life witnesses such furry in a animal. Teeth claws and flying fur hovered near my concerned face. I couldn't back up fast enough he was after me when i caught a glimpse of those kitten eyes they now screamed death and the focus was on me. Jenny said the sounds of the cat attacking were frightening, things getting knocked over paws being slammed against the door and the screams. I must admit I screamed like a girl as well as cursed like a sailor but that cat let out shuck yells as to curl my back hair I was terrified. I finally got the cat away from the door so i could exit it and i made my escape. My family let out a sie of relief to see i was still alive bleeding but breathing. are you alright daddy molly exclaimed as i turned and said i think we are renaming that cat sayten. they all had a good laugh but i realised i still had a crazy feline still holding my bathroom hostage. it was time to resort to drastic measures so i entered tossed a towel and leaped on the frothing boiling heap of tarrie cloth capturing the devil and throwing him back into his container . I quickly decided to make my garage sayten's new home and carried him out. The carrier exploded as my dogs tried to introduce them selves and i nearly lost control from the lurching and bouncing. my two 100 pound saintburnards backed off. the release in the garage was a success sayten now has a new environment to hide in and to any that are thinking of entering my garage all i say is beware sayten he is a evil crazy human killer and his thirst for blood is voracious.



ps the next day mikaydi ran into our room with the intent of using our bathroom i called out beware of sayten and she came to a screeching halt hand on the door knob and turned with a conserved look on her face and proclaimed i think i will use my bathroom.



pps as i tried to take a picture of sayten he reverted into his alter ego of nice little putty tat but trust me he is evil

dont think my random thought scinapses have for one minuet quit working on the contrary my thoughts have been so ransom and far spread i have not had time to colect them . i find myself fat after having lost 30 pound an a diet i went of it and pow the fats back not a shocker considering food happens to be one of my talents and by the way i am quite good at it. so here i go again squashing my talents into the ground o well cant win them all

the green movment "stinks"

i have on occasion been told that my hygienic aroma has some thing to be desired. for all who don't know me i must say my smell is well not top an my list of things to deal with. i care, don't get me wrong i just care less than you. i am happy to announce that do to the green movement we all can and will join the ranks of those who reek. now try to follow my thoughts here. it starts with water conservation saying you cant use as much water to shower. less shower more stinky. then in the interest to save a tree we will be asked or rather compelled to use less toilet paper i can see that going bad quickly. i have seen and smelled various brands of organic deodorant and soaps I'm not impressed not only do they smell bad i think it would be easier and better to just rub bark or pine needles under your arm. speaking of underarms I'm afraid for you ladies who find hair under their gross because it will soon be a sign of your participation in the saving of the earth. on a similar note the hairy leg look will soon follow. as for the shampoo i only have positive things to say. i was fortunate enough to get to use a hemp or marijuana shampoo. that was the most mellow shower i have ever had. (just wondering how do hippies with dreadlocks make the decision to shampoo or not with marijuana shampoo isn't that what you call a paradox. speaking of docks soon we wont have socks to cushion are feet on rocks on are walk around blocks o well that's hard knocks. when i don't were socks well lets just say new species which may be a good thing who is to say. so to sum it up next time you are passed by a hippie and that pungent aroma of a non bather, razerless, bark rubbing, hemp scrubbing, none wiping, dreadlocked, green toothed, crosseyed, thong wearing, nerd of the organic, stings your olfactory nerve take a deep breath and try to get use to it because that is what green smells like.

scout camp

i found it interesting to see my scouts all showered up and clean. i glanced twice as the sent of six different kinds of Colon wafted my direction. at second glance their hair was combed and clean close we adorning there freshly cleaned bodies. this struck me as strange especially this late in camp normally the fourth day all fresh clothing has been soiled in some way or another. curiosity pricked and i began to question what an earth was going on. finding one or two clean scouts may be expected but all of them. i started a little investigation and began to look into the matter. i remember being 12 or 14 years old at least i thought i did. i remember going to scout camp but i can not recall ever showering at one. so in my mind there has got to be some reason. my investigating turned up a likely suspect apparently not to far distant their was a girls scout camp. although not in session apparently there was enough pheromones still lingering in the air to cause the boys to react in a not typical fashion or maybe it is typical I'm the only one who never showered when i went to scout camp who knows

is that its eye dad

the restaurant Won King was only slightly crowded as me owen and frans entered. it was different some how. as i read the home made signs posted every were i realised that my favorite Chinese buffay has just jumped to a new level of awesome . with many excellent food selections my stomach gurgled hungrily as i read about the new sea food options that were now available. me and the boys don't get many opportunities to eat fish due to the fact that jenny despises it. so to celebrate are week of bachelorhood wail jenny relaxed in Vegas we set out to dine on fish. the fresh smell of simmering food under heat lamps wafted toward our table making us salivate. after are first trip to the smorgasbord of deliciousness we sat chop sticks in hand ready to feed our hunger. i personal dug in voraciously and noticed after several oysters and a fist full of sweet and sour pork frans was hesitating. this was not his first visit to the buffay and all food on his plate was asked for by him. i asked what? he replied do i eat the tail dad. well with shrimp you don't eat the tail so i said no. i see they took the brains out of this one he said and then proceeded to name all the parts that were missing from the squid, crab, fish extra. i found this kind of comical but judging from the green hue of those around us his anatomy lesson of the sea food was less than a hit. i get it, not all people think about what they are eating as much as frans dose and i do take the blame for that i have felt it important to make sure my kids have a good idea were there food came from for example i might say hay kids did you know you are eating cow butt..

good heck

its great got woken up at 2:00 am to go out and work and now here i sit wide awake with nothing to do. my stupid tv shuts down at mid night and locks me out or i would be watching some mindless dribble on that useless contraption so i try ed to face book that wont work either and i finally got my blog to work or i would still be mindlessly drifting threw the web trying to occupy time till i relax enough to get to sleep o ya did i mention that jenny is in Vegas so leaving the light on is an option i wish i was in the middle of a good book or even had a movie i wanted to see but Alas i don't maybe a hot bath is in order or a soke in the hot tub maybe some worm milk which is easy sense the boys don't put it back in the frig but i don't think i can get through the lumps this late at night so blaa blaa i guess I've bored you enough so i will quit this late night rant with a final word triethaldiclorinate

its awsome

I have an attractive ear. yes it is true my right ear is hot not so much my left but my right is stunning. you may ask yourself ? what?! don't, just go with it, don't be jealous we all cant have an attractive ear. how did i discover this fabulous attribute well i noticed it in my rear view mirror. me not having anything else to crow about, this discovery made my day. really, i at first was doubtful but after observing literally a couple of ears both in person and on the telly i discovered a mess off pierced, cauliflower, squished, crocked, nasty, wort ed, blobs that posed as a hearing devise slapped up the side of peoples heads. as for mine "big "yes but its hugeness just makes its perfect form visible for all. i have a particularly lushes lob. if for instance i was stupid enough to tarnish my lobs perfectness by a piercing it would be ah inspiring as it would only point out my lobs perfect symmetry. do i boast "heck yes i do" but its not boasting if it is true. so next time i see you i suspect i will see a wondering eye as you try to glimpse the ear of which i speak.

ists done

the lights have dimmed and the sun has set on yet another gathering of the klan. time has passed and my guess is so has the travel gas. i have found that trips home are generally made with more hast partly because of travel gas and although party's are great fun and rejuvenating in there own way home is always best were ever that may be. my thoughts on the reunion? i got tired. i love getting to gather and talking and talking till in the am's talking. i don't like to miss a joke a chuckle or a late night apple beer which by the way thank you buff for the plentiful supply i feel all were quenched. how fun is it to see the kids run around. for those who care i have unleashed the dog to his great joy and he has managed to make a mess of the mess. ( not wise to leave garbage out) my children already miss your children which i take for a good sign and i pissed owen and frans off by allowing miller to take the cards o well i know were some more are. it only took me till Tuesday night to recover from the all night er which by the way i did because that is what my dad would of done and i want to be like my dad. i am impressed with you all and appreciate you just being you its nice to know that in this messed up world that there are at least some who will hang out with a shy neurotic o.c.d. freak who smells and cant spell but likes to have a good time and to talk about fun times and can eat food and sleep with the best of them. i love you all and hope jay and carri are doing better with health issues and hope john and his family
get hunkered down in there new surroundings. we missed you and prayed for you. till we gather again in some pore unsuspecting coroner of space i bid you a farewell and a salutation of some sort of which i have yet to think of --------------P.S. i think spell check needs some work!

this weeks schedule...5am up for work back home at 8pm drive to mattawa asleep by 10pm up at 3am drive to olimpia wa for a 8am class till 430pm drive back home get home at 9pm to bed by 11.

what did i learn at class? considering it was a domestic water certification exam review (exciting i know) i learned Amazonian woman can have red hair. those that complain the most about the environment in this state are the ones that have ripped a gash of humanity scaring for ever the lovely hills of the west coast. a tattooed woman is apparently not as uncommon as i would of guessed. i learned that you really have a competition if you want to win the ugly contest. i found gender a mystery is it a she or is it a he what ever. whats the point in driving a hybrid car at twice the speed limit just wondering. i learned that i really really like living way out in the country.

i get heard

the windows rattle at the noise, was that a sonic boom? and why did that sonic boom sound like the neighbors again.
it has only now donned on me that i have no need for a megaphone. i don't even need to yell to get my thoughts heard over the roar of family life. i need to only ask, tell, plead, suggest or remind in my soft pleasant voice and the chain of sound begins. you ever been in a canyon and yelled to get ones attention and that person yells at the next person till you get a hold of the right person that is the phenomenon i speak of. for example i say "hey owen " haylee pipes up yelling "owen" which doesn't get owens attention but gets frans attention who yells "owen" getting molly and mikadis attention who yell "owen" wail running from room to room. you would think all this yelling would get owens attention, but no only after a phone call from the neighbors just to make sure owen is not lost, and jenny making face to face contact do i hear from owen. so you see i need no megaphone i only need to speak and boom the word spreads. oh ya about owens attention problem jenny said its genetic what ever that means.

cute ya right

cute, that's an interesting word. I've herd it used to describe molly and mikaydi on several occasions. i have even let my mind slip into the ""they are cute "frame of mind, but i know better. for example at Church to day they were both cute-ing at the top of there lungs to the point a sibling separation was necessary. they both also had there dresses on back words, cute or a conspiracy? most often i come home from work and there is cute all over the floor. occasionally some cute gets on the ceiling. they spill cute ,through cute, splash cute all over the bath room i must tell you its really cute when they get into my bathroom supplies. hey don't take my word for it, come over and let them get some cute on you.

its comming to a back yard far from you

just imagine a world were dutch oven cobbler, smores ,and the maverick hot dog are endless wail you sit by a fire talking to your sibling catching up and reminiscing about old times. cousins playing games and running around enjoying the each others company. excitement fills the air in anticipation of the up coming Scottish games. Evey one standing in line to toss the caber or to put the stone and other such manly games bagpipes blaring onioning the neighbors as spectate rs lounge drinking copiously from a number of beverage crystals. laughter erupts as a replay of old slide showes illuminates the night sky. the sweet sent of food lingering from meal to meal of free food which is provided by the hosts. pleasant night bring rest and relaxation for travelers of afar. a hot tub and kid swimming pool sooth tired bones. its a do or do not event its meant to be relaxing or not its up to you. yes i have been working hard to train my dog to make the event less slippery lets say. i have accommodations in mind like campers, rooms, tents i need to know if you have eny specific needs but not to specific you make me ill. i would appreciate it if you RSVP me some how allowing me to prepare i have herd from( mom and dad melinda kristine buff ) i will try to call but if i don't let me know your plans i do have beds for many i have even made the kids sleep on garbage sacks for a month now so the pee spots wont be as fresh. beds will go to those of greatest need and to those who ask first. the longer you wait to tell me whats up the more likely you will end up in a tent on the ground well i decided i would just call every one but if i don't RSVP and blaa blaa gab gab what ever

its happening right now

molly you are ruining our game. we are playing spy and if you see us playing it then that ruinins it owen said as he pears around the mound of dirty laundry. molly replies with a nonchalant well i could see you the hole time. the wind whipping the shingles of the house grinds the nerves of the home provider as visions of ditches running over haunt his tired brain. a steady droning thud permeate the air haylee's bobbing head keeping its perfect rhythm. crawling among the dinning clutter she picks and pushes small piles of debris from here to there in an effort to look like she is cleaning. on occasional a off key Bellow cuts the air which can only be explained by a possible recognition of the toon she is currently listening to. a vain jax stands in his crib in the Conner admiring himself in the full length mirror which poses as a door. with full understanding of his vocalising future he aahs and goo goos as loud as he can. frans in interest of fun has discovered a plastic knife and has currently engaged all the children in a running yelling fake knife fight. yells for varies children are repeated over and over until there attention is obtained mikaydie not wanting to be left out is herd adding her two some times three cents worth. hi yah, got ya, hay do my move, aaaaooooiiieee, scream, yell, singing, bowling, crying.

It must be bed time.

there she gose

I find it extremely funny to be resting in front of my TV in my room when the door bursts open and a hopping dancing wiggling mikaydia sprints to the bathroom door yelling got to go pottie daddy. i find it funny every thirty minuets every day so much for the luxury of the two restroom home.

a thought remembered

She huddled behind my leg as the fire light danced across the new bricks of the fire pit we just finished. Don't let it burn me daddy, she whimpered with fear in her eyes.
The camp ground bustled in the early evening. The sun had just sank into the ocean bringing disappointment to the young ones who expected steam to rise extinguishing the day. A crackling fire cut shadow dancers across the tent trailer and the sweat ting of smoke wisp ed in and out of my vision. Elated children hovered around a patient mother as tools and treats to make s'mores were pasted out. Roasting sticks adorned with fluffy sugar were thrust in and out of the red hot coals as instructions on the perfect marshmallow is pasted from one generation to the next . The fire springs to life as young boy, his first s'more experience, ignites his dangling marshmallow. frantically he whips the flaming stick back and forth in effort to extinguish the flaming morsel. time slowed as a moulting ball of flaming lava dislodges from his stick and sails smouldering into space. The pulsating mass of mellow appeared as the baking crust of an active volcano a writhing black mass with red moulting lave seeping threw the cracks.
Innocently anticipating her first chance to create a treat a small girl approaches the fire with reluctance. In a instant the night was interrupted with screams of terror. A marshmallow encrusted face wailed and screamed as the viscus burning fluid ran down her cheek and hair. a whirlwind of parents quickly ascertained the situation and proceeded to loudly bark profanity with some instructions. Cold water was tossed, ointment applied, and the remaining goo scraped from the victims hair and cheek. Time passes and pain subsided the adrenalin of the near miss fades as the camp grounds grows silent.
You could almost feel the ears straining to hear the outcome of the events. a small sound begins to fill the air as whispers drift softly from camp to camp. They all right over there, figures with that many kids something is bound to go wrong, and other more odious comments. Feeling the urge to relive everyone concerns I head for the trailer door to exclaim to all what a bunch of poo heads i thought they were. A calm collected wife gently chides me to humility by reminding me, due to the darkness are general location was unattainable by the mear sound of the events and most likely several concerned neighbors would of surly made use of their cell phones and contacted child protective services. with understanding i relaxed. Tempers calmed and sleep drew all thoughts of terror from the minds of those not still smouldering and only occasional whimpers in the night sired my slumber.
the next morning under a new light the burns already fading like a mild sun burn we drove nonchalantly from the camping ground. a small crowd of rubbernecking swollen eared misfits glared at us from reclined lawn chairs. I could feel the thoughts of bad parents drifting our way and chuckle as I look in the rear view mirror at the parents holding a cold one in one hand an a hot dog in the other yelling at there child who is painting lude signs on the restroom wall.

im here

i find myself signed in so i will post. an interesting thing accrued not just ten minuets ago wail sitting on the pot. not what you think i was there so jax could go to sleep and i could still be connected to the face book thing. then it happened jenny wail doing her nightly ritual jump as bellow her feet a loud snapping noise startled her inquisicly she glanced in my direction and i informed her i just placed a mouse trap in that vent and pow got the sucker time to reset.

an uncovered discomfort

I once again must preface my thoughts with a disclaimer. My aim in writing is not to offend but to enlighten. No ill will is intended from these thoughts.
It has recently become openly clear to me of a practice that may not be apparent to many of my peers of the opposite sex. I am male thus I have male traits just for the record.
There are circumstances in life were a male finds it necessary to stoop, crouch, or bend. Unfortunately this harmless action can cause offence to the unaware bystander . Weight gain I feel is the culprit by causing ill fitting clothing. A trouser or shirt that fits snugly dose not lend itself to optimal movement causing a gap when bending, crouching or stooping. this gap of exposed skin most famously known for the occupation of the plumber has become the butt of many a humerus antidote. in reality witnessing such an unfortunate display is shocking to the point of revulsion. other reactions may be giddy silence or a quick aversion of the eyes. i have found the image that is burned into the mind like the glow of the sun with your eyes closed after staring at an welding arch for five minuets lingers for weeks. night terrors have been reported after a particularly bad viewing and no amount of prescription drugs can draw the venomous images from your mind.
having said that, i now address my attention to the ladies. no i have not noticed in the fairer sex the hinny crack of death due to a catastrophic clothing failure what i have noticed although less frequent is still equally disturbing. the offence usually occurs thus. an individual most times sitting is approached by a lady for any number of reasons such as the admiration of a young child sitting on a lap, or sharing of information etc. then there it is. once again i blame the improper fitting clothing the loose fitting shirt in particular .( if you feel i am being to vague you are correct. i am trying to tastefully dance around this issue by only reveling (bad choice of words) or exposing (no that wont work either) relaying enough information to create a point with out offending or embarrassing.) now back to the narrative
to a male this unintentional display is quite disconcerting. I've always been one that communicates wail looking someone in the eye to show respect. in such a circumstance as the before mentioned expose' eye contact becomes an issue. eye contact either becomes so intent as to disturb the offender into the conclusion that this guy is a freak or the adverse accrues when the victim averts his eyes uncomfortably giving the impression of distress or inattentiveness. unfortunately this leaves the intentions of the male up for interpretation never a good thing. this brings us to those of less moral fortitude that finds the third option acceptable neither eye contact or eye aversion and usually receives a slap of disgust . no mater how you look at it or don't look as the case may be it still causes the same sort of discomfort as the male version of the offence. i therefor propose for all to get clothing that fits, be cautious of your vulnerabilities wail stooping, bending, or crouching and if you fill a breeze in an unusual area just think if the wind can hit it we can see it.

what ever

hay its been. time... its what you run out of, wish you had more of, and wonder were it went. now pie is what you run out of , wish you had more of, and wonder were it went but there are no great thoughts or studies on the pie perhaps we are missing the mark here. you may ask yourself why, i say why why, why not what ever, just go with it, deal with it ,you cant do anything about it so what ever. I've noticed those with the most advice to give is the person who if they used there own advise would probably not give the advise they just gave you. in a poetic way i was informed i wasn't the center of the universe so ill just have to remain the center of the world some times there are disappointments in life what ever.

games i've found to avoid

i got a really big dog who makes messes. it has become apparent to me that a 50 pound bag of dog food produces at least that weight in dog deposits. i also found that a 50 pound bag of dog food lasts a week, see my problem. now with that in mind here are some games my family has learned to be less fun under these conditions. kite flying... think about it were are you looking not down. this leads to games like blind mans bluff ...fun for everyone but the blind man. bocci ball... o crap literally crap on the ball. picnics... out of the question. the slip and slide take on a hole new dimension. red light green light... holding still with your nose that close to the problem proves difficult. bare foot in the grass not recommended. master may i ...not bad unless you have a vindictive son who thinks a soiled shoe hilarious. any running, jumping, rolling, sliding, frolicking type motion only increases the probability of a streak attack and the after jeers and shunning which follows this is great by the way. i most regretfully inform you that only through trial and error have i brought this list to you . for all the hokansons in June the reunion is going to be a blast or should i day a squish.

easter funny

picture a family gathering for Easter. eggs have been sought and found children in varies stages of sugar overload are bouncing in and out of the house. plump adults in a eating stupor are lounging on soft sofas throwing out the banter and the topic of pukeing children for Sunday comes up. arguments ensue of which parent gets to stay home with the kids then quiets down as jenny informs me that the only way i will get to stay home with the kids is if i puke. it isat this point the quote of the century exits the sweet mouth of our 9 year old niece she said " well if you want to puke you can try to touch your uvula" instantly several things run through my mind all of which are gut busting funny i must say thanks for the thoughts .

you tell me

1

what can you learn from an eye brow.

i draw your attention to the irregular eye brow hairs pay no attention to the hauntingly gorgeous eyes that penetrate into your very soul

i propose you can tell a lot from the eye brow think of the stern full brow of a dictator or a tyrant such as Lennon or pulpot or even clinton

i have noticed the ratty unkempt brow of brilliants consider Einstein for example a man so brilliant that eye brow care is far from his forethought

now consider the well groomed brow well maintained by waxing or plucking dose not this indicate hiding or putting on a facade putting up a fake face.( woman don't count just men)

what is to be said about the uni brow i fill it speaks for itself it jumps right out there its bold daring and a little neanderthal

just some thoughts so maybe you to will consider the brow and give it the notice it deserves recognize its prominence its importance because with out one or two in some cases you would probably look different.

yuck

i was just reminded of working in the retread plant unfortionatly it was becouse i was changing jax's dipper nasty

work

ya our house is a disaster. the dog has not yet gotten out of the puppy chew stage neither has jax or apparently owen. molly and mikaydi plot ploy and plan each day for optimal destruction and they are quite talented by the way. frans takes after his father and drops his pile of stuff were ever he may and leaves it for another day. haylee is practicing that teenager thing and insists on keeping her room bugler Prof by making it look as if she has already been robed and poor jenny trying to keep up with us all. now let me mention that me and Jenny's week has been insane with both of us working and scout pies to make. the inmates have been running the asylum. guess what they are not very good at it i tend to think it is bad parenting but jenny just sais its because there my children which ""your right dear. anyway the other day after calmly asking for clean rooms for the millionth time molly came out and exclaimed I'm done daddy come and see. i think wow its a miracle molly is normally the most resistant to any thing work. well i proceed enthusiastically excited to see the mighty change and open the door to a mountain of crap no that's not quite right more like two mountains of stuff with a small valley which meandered searingly into the distance stunned silent i hear the faint whisperings of an angle saying look daddy i made a path.

were am i

you ever wake up then notice your brain laying next to you in bed. welcome to my week so much to do and my brain decides its time for a nap. it took me three days to realise i was a zombie. it hit me in the most inopportune time i was trying to organise a pie assembly line and pow i realised all my thoughts muffled by a misplaced pillow very disorienting. i am finding it quite hard to get my brain back into my head not to mention hooked up right.

is it monday or friday

i sit and type thinking and wondering "were is my wife". wait what day is it, Tuesday no she would be at work at the library so that rules out Thursday as well. Monday? no because the boys would be at wrestling and there not they are camping in there bed room. its defiantly not Wednesday because i have scouts but here i sit wondering. Friday is defiantly out of the question because she would be here its the only time i get to see her lately. i don't even know what happens on Saturday all i know is i work she works i have no idea what the kids do and then Sundays are the biggest whirlwind of them all. i still don't know what day it is.

in thought of having no thoughts i write just to write why, it relaxes me it is a therapeutic brain release a brain dump if you will. what has my brain to dump this evening? not much my brain is pretty empty. i cant find any thing funny i cant find anything serious just a mumble jumble of interlocking words which if typed in any other order could have been funny or even intelligent but alas it is what it is and that is not much.

when the cats away

in my hast to get to Church on time and the fact that jenny was not home lead to me allowing frans to make it to church in pants that looked like he had just gutted a deer. owen tried to worn me and my response was he either wares the pants he has on or he is going in his underwear. i think it is a good thing that the kids believe me when i say some thing but good grief. i must add that i had spent 30 minuets trying to get frans in pants in the first place. in reference to me privies blog clothing optional i need to mention that as i drove by the house wail working Saturday a streak of milky wight flesh flashed in the corner of my eye and drew my attention to the fact i had a child outside scantily clad. i must also mention jenny was away at a wedding and had the three youngest culprits with her so the nude dude was one of my older children ill let you guess which one i still haven't gotten to the bottom of the story perhaps I'm better off not knowing.

just passing some knowledg

i discovered and felt i should immediately share that strawberry containers do not make a good food conveyance device. it so happened that i at 5 am put my chilled semi solid soup in a strawberry container thinking yes just the right size. well by lunch i discovered strawberry containers are perforated with holes so strawberries can breath. well just the chunks of my soup survived the straining and my wallet caught the rest. so don't put soup in strawberry containers and soup soaked wallets taste like soup

it aways hapens to me

i was reminded today what a kerfuffle any shopping trip is for me. i was taken back to the day i simply ordered two egg mcmuffin sandwiches and received and paid for eight sandwiches of all varieties and only discovered said cornucopia of McDonald delights ten miles down the road. now if you know me you know i considered this a blessing. usually I'm not so lucky i normally end up with a lack of fries which in and of itself is a travesty or i spend a great deal of time fixing the situation. shopping at any store is the same. i once bought one water container and thought as i walked out the door " five hundred dollars that don't seem right" well the store assistant proceeded to load five water containers on my trailer yes don't ask me how that got mixed up. well recently i went to the parts store to get pipes and stuff and walked out in a hurry not looking at the receipt. well some time later i discovered an extra part and when i look at the receipt to check i noticed the tax for 50 dollars in parts was 391.00 dollars holy crap i figured Mr Obama's new tax plan was going to be bad but yikes a 400% sales tax increase. so the moral of this story is if you want it done right don't send me.

just saying

perhaps there is nothing wrong with having two left feet if you can only find two left shoes

is this my kid

kids now there is a topic you can write about. owen for instance. dad said "go clean the yard" owen replies "can i clean the dog poop off the lawn" now who's kid is this? it would first appear that he is spawned from some grate go getter a real winner guess again it is me, mike the last to get anything done and my idea for cleaning up the mess is a mulch mower (which by the way struggles with larger items such as cardboard boxes or left out toys). so out he goes to pike up the doo doo i gaze stealthily out the window just to see what he is really doing and interesting enough he is cleaning up the mess. i watch thinking maybe i can learn something and i did. i realise dog poo stinks thus the reluctance in cleaning it up but owen solved this by wrapping a kerchief around his nose. hay whatever works

they or thay hay or hey any of eny WHAT EVER!!

lets clear the air about spelling. I can't, i will never be able to, nore do i care to try to improve. i have far to many more important things on my plate to worry about spelling. hay i have tried i even took a special totering class to help. maybe if i inform you i spell phonically that would help. enyhoo its pretty simple if its there, their ,thair, therr, or ther it means which ever one fits corectly yes it may take some work on your part but all relationships wither a face to face or a blog to blog require some effort to be a lasting one. so if by chance i verbally offend you in some way i do apologise and good luck deciphering the dribble which spews from my brain.

P.S. yes i use spell check but once again there their etc like i know which is witch.

P.P.S. there or their were 28 misspelled words in this paragraph befor spell check i narrowed it down to 8 or 9

woops

he slept soundly. the 16 hour shift at work he had just finished had worn him completely out. he only had 3 hours in which to catch a nap and return to work for 10 more hours. he was suddenly jarred awake by his shrieking wife and screaming younger children. perhaps bringing a live turtle home and leaving him in the pantry was a bad idea.

how dose he know!!

let me preface this thought with some general background. i work 10 hour days, long days of concrete, sand blasting, shoveling you know the hard tiring stuff. now jenny on the other hand has the hard job (hello molly and mikaydi) home schooling haylee, chasing jax ,etc all day long. then there scouts, wrestling ,work at the library, etc. needless to say this makes the quiet time before bed one of the most important times in our lives.
so imagine your self freshly showered you just slipped into you favorite PJ's or not all the kids have been asleep for some time. there is your bed fresh flanal sheets fluffed pillows your favorite blanky and a electric blanket placed perfectly at your feet then it happens.
jax has super power i swear. he has this sixth sense that wakes him up out of the deepest of sleeps. ironically this only occurs about 15 minuets after your head hits those fluffy pillows. I'm series its not triggered wail the loud tv is on or wail me or jenny are having a deep philosophical debate but only just as you hit that i could be asleep in just a few minuets stage. the most annoying thing about jax's supper power is after the initial putting him back to sleep he dose grate until you get comfortable again. both me and jenny are in agreement this is annoying. i never said all super powers were good

lets consider

lets consider the intricacies of the sounds of words. consider corn. to produce the sound corn you begin with a minnie lugie a shocked oh and a nasal grunt. the very formation of the word is interesting to me. its almost fun to say corn. another word i particular enjoy is the word acquiesce. not only is it fun to say it is also has a cool definition. now obsequious has that same qu sound (if some one were to see you making the qu sound they would think you were puckering for a kiss) and if you know its definition its fun to use on some one. now interesting enough there are three words that apply to the three types of kisses. the peach, a semi stiff kiss you may give your mom on the cheek. the prune, a full on pucker kiss sweet but sophisticated. and last the alfalfa as you say the word alfalfa the tongue is quite active lending to the imagination the possible implications. the most interesting thing about this blog is i have just made you say corn, aquiesce, obsequious, peach, prune and alfalfa

date night (also see jennys blog)

I like to watch people. on this particular occasion i observed the slob. a sweet waring, dirty shirted, kmart special shoed, basement dwelling, gamer, who's presences at this restaurant could only be accredited to his winning of a radio promotion. the yuppie couple who are posers and really have moderate jobs and live at home because their clothing expenses are so high this meal will go on the credit card. the exhibitionists who's piercings and tattoos rival those of bullet riddled gang signs. (and why is it that such people give you the stink eye when you stare in disbelief is not the point of body modification to stand out just saying) the pleasant couple with children who decided a night out was in need. the sweet elderly couple with several grand children and years of joy to share. then the grumpy old people who scoff children and should really never go out and should receive meals on wheels just to help with there general disgust of anything loud, spicy, bright. happy or nice
in this setting we enter the red lobster a spot rarely frequented by us and only possible by the generous gift of saints. as we sit i notice the before mentioned individuals scattered around our table. the evening proceeded as fallows. jax a normally enjoyable child i think sensed the opportunity to be the center of attention. i for one am not comfortable in such a situation but apparently jax has no qualms. he began with the noise the shrieks and grones, yips, and yelps ,the yums ,yawhos, bellers, and cries none of which are strange for jax and the volume at which he reached wasn't strange perhaps it was the timing. anyhow he reached such a fevered pitch even the slob wail pounding back his lobster took notice. i don't think i need to tell you the grones and wailing and gnashing of teeth the grumpy old people were spewing. truthfully is it bad of me to enjoy anoing the social elite. the highlight t of the evening is when wail wondering why our cute loud son was gnawing with vigor at the edge of the table i rubeb my hand under the edge to discover that jax with his two lower teeth was working on dislodging the old chewing gum that was so stealthily stuck there. at this discovery and with my acclamations the happy people laughed and the anoing people gagged and all were happy except jax who after much work didn't get his full reword.

clothing optional

i parent, badly but parent, i do. i have six kids or should i say they have me. in life as a parent i am privy to the special times only a parent will experience. now I'm not ripping on those with no kids but dealing with dog poo is not as bad as child poo just trust me on that one. any way i digress. a nifty and fun thing i find as a parent is the clothing optional stage of life. yes we have all been through it but don't remember because we were three. i will admit i don't remember mooning the missionaries as a child but if genetics plays a role i surely did. i find myself stunned when at 20 degrees with snow on the ground i have found my cute daughter playing in the back yard wearing only undies and snow boots (i blame jenny for the sense to put on snow boots) i also find it odd that going to a wrestling practice in only undies (she concealed her lack of clothing under a coat) is OK i dint teach this I'm pretty sure jenny is not in favor of streaking so were dose it come from. it could be she is taking a look at her parents and reasoning with herself 'if that is what I'm going to look like in 20 years i better flaunt it now ' but most likely she just don't care which in hind sight is probably a good place to be so if by chance you see some one exhibiting more skin than need be don't criticize or judge them just think they probably just don't care

the phases of life

Allow me to delve in the disgusting to dance along the lines of the putrid. It has abruptly came to my attention that our youngest child has entered a new phase of life. He has graduated from the black sludge of birth to the explosive experiences associated with a new born. Yes he has entered the all to fun vacuum stage. How do i know he has entered the before mentioned phase of life well; by the prizes i have found in his dipper i have found amongst the disgust of baby wast marbles ,popcorn seeds ,hair and small Barby shoes to mention a few. Although the shock this phase of life may bring to parents one must be positive: at least he is doing his part to help with the house work

g strings

I have a few words to say about g strings (i am only mentioning this becouse it was recently broght up in my wifes face book) ... first word (irritation) why would any one give them selves a wedgy..... second (laundry) you may think why laundry, well when to maintain some decency whail speaking of a gross subjuct laundry seems to work,, to me laundry is dirty, stinky, and when it is underclothing it is usally crusty.. i dont think i need to say more ecept not being a perticipant in the g string fad i am not sure but do you throw them away after one use? if not laundry. ....third (slut) yes the undies of the hoe, the tramp, the jesibell ....fourth (fire) this one as well is pritty self explanitory and once again never having partoke of the practice of self butt crack mutilation i am only gessing with this one.... (liers) i have been told they are cofortable and i gess i could see how they could be if you had 100 pair woven into a substantial pice of clothing. ....last i hope i have not offended any one who reads this becouse if i have that would mean you wear a g string and i could no longer shake your crusty string infested hand sorry.

the roge eyebrow

i dont spend a great deal of time in frount of a miror(ya i know insert joke here). i find there is realy no great need, what i got is what i get and it aint gona get better. with this information i probably shouldn't get upset when my lovaly wife tuggs at a roge eyebrow hair now and again but i think i have the right to mention something about the were and when. for example not a good idea to yank a hair wail your spouse is trying to fix the heater and he is up to his elbows in hot sharp objects and then chew him out for his colorfull language then mentioning that you missed and slink in for anouther try, not cool. it is also uncooth to grab a fist of eye fuzz just as you exit your auto before church. although tears are often spilt an the sabath the torent unleashed from savear eyebrow trama just makes you look silly as you enter the church. so wifes of the world be kind to your shaggy husbands we will have roge hairs and it apears the older we get the more frequent the accuranse. thank you

my answer to vegitations and global worrming

In answer to the scientists who say becoming vegitarian with decrease global worming gasses. Yes that is interesting, so in other words we are to stop killing animals and eat only vegies. well lets wrap some logic around that. first you stop killing animals dosent that mean there are more animals thus more global worming? second we should eat more vegies which take more fertilizer, more tracters, more labor, thus more global worming gasses? third i dont know about you but my output of global worming gas increases greatly if i eat more veggies thus contributing to glabal worming! in essence we are better off keeping things as they are thus no increase of global worming gasses.

now i happen to take the stand of antiglobal cooling and pro global wormming. let me explain. lets just say we, me and you and all other peaple on the earth can change the enviroment then ask yourself the question do you want it cooler or wormer. i vote wormer.

i would like to know what the corect tempature of the earth is any way. who are we and how arrogent are we to think we are the speicies the earths tempature is ment for .. what happened to evalutiion servival of the fittest, what the earth dosen't count in that equation. isnt that hipocritical .

my true fellings on global worrming is its a farce a lie a ploy to meet an political agenda and the mindless atomatons that are falling in line with the cookie cutter poloticions and there agendas will get what they want, being led threw the mire by a bull ring to political inprisonment

hello every body i am a blogger not a boogger a blogger i blog therefore I T. I will no longer put any funny or important stuff on my facebook page i dont trust them so here is my outlet my vent my brain dump.
first thing i noticed is there still is no spell check for that i am sorry i am realy tired right now so blaa blaa blaa spankey blaa baa baaa naa blaa.
just think if we have such controle over the weather i propose that for only a small fee i will either drive extra or not depending on what weather you desire. i would do that for you thats the kind of guy i am for only a small fee.

Mike

Mike needs a page to put his random thought so here it is...

Mike's Page

So this is Mike's wife, Jenny, setting up a blog for him because he needs a place to journal his thoughts.