Friday, July 15, 2011

been some time scince i blogged not that there has been nothing of interest happening in my life i just havent wanted to write it and i still dont but alass here i am so my thoughts latley are directed on trying to wrap mp head around why peaple are so weird hay im not saying i am not weird becouse i am and maybee thats the thing to think you are the normal ome is to admit you are way outside normality i notice the crazeis like you and me just keep to ourselves and just try to do a little good now and again but the normal so called peaple are trying to change everything so we all fit into there reality. so who are the real nut jobs you decide

Sunday, February 21, 2010

personal space

I have been spending a great deal of time thinking about astrophysics and the theory of everything. On a recent winter scout outing i came to the sudden and startling realisation that i have a personal space bubble. i discovered this as a scout unintentionally invaded my personal space bubble as he removed his sock and placed his withered foot in between the front seat on our return journey. it became apparent that not only do i have a personal space bubble but that space bubble can be fogged. to perhaps further enlighten you in this fogging i quote a scout who said" i like scout camps because you don't have to worry about things like hugging" although i had already learned this fact to hear it from the very offender was stunning and to emphasis his statement the wind shifted just so leaving me with an indelible impression that still lingers. no sooner did i learn i had a personal space bubble i found a way to use it to my advantage. i refer to it as a defense mechanism. I'm not a real touchy feely kind of guy and i discovered that if i fog my own personal space bubble people will keep there distance. i also discovered some are able to fog what would appear to be a enormous space bubble so completely it interferes with others space bubbles including animals like bears. all in all this new discovery may just be the answer to everything or at least some questions anyway.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

melting pott?

Preface; This is the second time in the last three months I have felt out of place, a redneck in a gay bar if you will. Don't get me wrong I have never been in a gay bar but I have seen one on tv so I am informed. To me, a more rustic individual the mentioning of a melting pott stirres up many visions in my head and several of them end badly for instance once I cooked mac and cheese and an hour later I had a melting pot or the remains of a melted pot and the smell was horrid, aluminum and plastic are definitely not complimentary. There was that one time when I warned jenny not to enter the bathroom due to a posible melting of the pott but I degress. I won't go into detail at this time on the rather trouble some drive we went through to get to this dinnery, instead I will in my expertice as a student of cullinary delites as leurned on the food network channel share with you my thoughts. For all of you who don't know the melting pot is a restaurant that serves fondue and for the red neck, fondue is when you impail your food with a stick and dip it in hot cheese, broth, or chocolate. Using your fingers is a bad idea and no it's
not easy cheese out of a can.

Its time to order I gratutiously accept the well made menu with a certain anticipation. I was hungry very hungry the days events had prevented me from ingesting any thing of substance and the smells wafting our direction were madning. i glanced the menu and it leered back almost angrily. i was confused how complicated could it be im not stupid i figured the value meals were out but come on i just want a meal. realising i was way over my head i alowed jenny who had experiences this sort of thing before to order our food. we began with cheese yes the melted heavenly goo that screams eat me with crackers vegies bread and apples? what ever-- i ll give it a try. i must say i was not dissappointed it was fantastic there was something primitive in stabbing each morsal and swirrling melted cow on it. we got two types of cheese spinch something or other and a traditional swiss i guess i need to study swiss traditions more cause that cheese had a funk to it that would drive a troll from under a train bridge but i ate it just figureing it must just be my ignorance at fine dinning.

secont course was a salad now i have done salads before and figured i couldnt go wrong and i did'nt it was jenny's falt she ordered it. she got some kind of an alpine salad with a vinagerette on it now i have always wanted to try a vinagerette cause on tv that seems to spark the intrest of the judges on "chopped" my first bite bite back yoasers once my eyes quit watering and my vision came back i glanced around at the smiles and delites expressed on my dinning companions faces questioning there sanity but fearing ridicule i continued with this fine dinning experience i must admitt the vinagerette grew on me and after the third bite i thought it rather good unfortunatly three bites is all there was

enough with the small stuff bring me the meal. on came our entree' first they bring a broath to warm up and its steam begins to rise encompansing us with its rich aroma unfortionatly i have also been encompased by that same aroma after finding a wet diaper a week after it had backed in a hot car. one again i glance around and all i can figure is none of my companions had ever found a week old diaper. on the up side i had never tasted a week old diaper so the smell didnt put me off. so they bring out a plate of meat and a bowl of veggies now were talking they were all raw which i am fine with i like my meat alot rare but i was disappointed in the fact that after sticking it on a stick you stuck it in the diaper water to cook and cooking takes time. do i need to mention this is about an hour into a meal i had been waiting for all day my stomach was a growling and then it started to flat out yell after i began sticking one bite of food in it evey 2 to 3 minuets. i just about starved while eating in my head i was calculating the amount of calories i was burnning verses the calories i was ingesting and it wasn't fat enough. finally after a great deal of work and due to all my companions being full i was able with the help of all get enough food infront of me to make me feel like i was eating. oh ya the food was rather good only adding to my frustation in the slow delivery.

now came the desert wow now that is some good eats i cant complain at all about the sweet morsils dipped in chocolate of various tates and consistancies. i get a tear in my eye just thinking about it not of its goodness it becouse that last marshellow covered in oreos dipped melted chocolate burnt my lip so bad that if screaming like a little girl was an option i would of.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

It's rather annoying

Its a shrieking cat sliding down a twenty foot tall chalk bored at a high rate of speed amplified to the volume of a jet at take off. There is no choice in the matter you have to leave or you will go deaf. You know how you got like 5 minuets in 40 degree water before you die well I give you 5 minuets with a hotel fire alarm going off before you go deaf. They say stay calm but then they turn on a shrieking flashing strobe light that screams PANIC!!!. There is no escaping the noise it follows you screaming down the hall then the stairs all the way out to the car I can't even imagine how annoying the fire alarm would of been.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

why his name is sayten

I exited the bathroom bleeding from several wounds, some of them serious and needing attention. It all happened so fast i didn't have time to think, its only a cat i reflected. I first met buster as I peered into the cat carrier he arrived in. He came from what my wife described as a nuts liberal vegetarian animal loving Liberian. I recall jenny mentioning some thing about the cat being a bit wild but i just blew her off . She would tell you that is a regular occurrence but i was just thinking, wild cat what ever I've dealt with wild before. Buster is house trained goes in a box and all so the plan was to let him be just that a house cat. because he may be a bit wild i put him in our master bathroom with all the comforts of a cat home food water etc. Letting him out of his carrier was uneventful he seemed a little tense but I've seen worse. He promptly retreated to the corner where he felt safe and I left him for the night so he could familiarise himself with hid new surroundings. The next morning as the jenny and the kids sat outside the bathroom anticipating the first look at there new pet i entered the room. I couldn't find him. there are not a lot of hiding spots in our bathroom so after a quick search we came face to face. i looked into a pair of eyes that seemed to say hold me I'm a scared little kitty. my hart melted i reached carefully to pet buster and boom he exploded. I have never in my life witnesses such furry in a animal. Teeth claws and flying fur hovered near my concerned face. I couldn't back up fast enough he was after me when i caught a glimpse of those kitten eyes they now screamed death and the focus was on me. Jenny said the sounds of the cat attacking were frightening, things getting knocked over paws being slammed against the door and the screams. I must admit I screamed like a girl as well as cursed like a sailor but that cat let out shuck yells as to curl my back hair I was terrified. I finally got the cat away from the door so i could exit it and i made my escape. My family let out a sie of relief to see i was still alive bleeding but breathing. are you alright daddy molly exclaimed as i turned and said i think we are renaming that cat sayten. they all had a good laugh but i realised i still had a crazy feline still holding my bathroom hostage. it was time to resort to drastic measures so i entered tossed a towel and leaped on the frothing boiling heap of tarrie cloth capturing the devil and throwing him back into his container . I quickly decided to make my garage sayten's new home and carried him out. The carrier exploded as my dogs tried to introduce them selves and i nearly lost control from the lurching and bouncing. my two 100 pound saintburnards backed off. the release in the garage was a success sayten now has a new environment to hide in and to any that are thinking of entering my garage all i say is beware sayten he is a evil crazy human killer and his thirst for blood is voracious.

ps the next day mikaydi ran into our room with the intent of using our bathroom i called out beware of sayten and she came to a screeching halt hand on the door knob and turned with a conserved look on her face and proclaimed i think i will use my bathroom.

pps as i tried to take a picture of sayten he reverted into his alter ego of nice little putty tat but trust me he is evil

Friday, September 4, 2009

dont think my random thought scinapses have for one minuet quit working on the contrary my thoughts have been so ransom and far spread i have not had time to colect them . i find myself fat after having lost 30 pound an a diet i went of it and pow the fats back not a shocker considering food happens to be one of my talents and by the way i am quite good at it. so here i go again squashing my talents into the ground o well cant win them all

Saturday, July 11, 2009

the green movment "stinks"

i have on occasion been told that my hygienic aroma has some thing to be desired. for all who don't know me i must say my smell is well not top an my list of things to deal with. i care, don't get me wrong i just care less than you. i am happy to announce that do to the green movement we all can and will join the ranks of those who reek. now try to follow my thoughts here. it starts with water conservation saying you cant use as much water to shower. less shower more stinky. then in the interest to save a tree we will be asked or rather compelled to use less toilet paper i can see that going bad quickly. i have seen and smelled various brands of organic deodorant and soaps I'm not impressed not only do they smell bad i think it would be easier and better to just rub bark or pine needles under your arm. speaking of underarms I'm afraid for you ladies who find hair under their gross because it will soon be a sign of your participation in the saving of the earth. on a similar note the hairy leg look will soon follow. as for the shampoo i only have positive things to say. i was fortunate enough to get to use a hemp or marijuana shampoo. that was the most mellow shower i have ever had. (just wondering how do hippies with dreadlocks make the decision to shampoo or not with marijuana shampoo isn't that what you call a paradox. speaking of docks soon we wont have socks to cushion are feet on rocks on are walk around blocks o well that's hard knocks. when i don't were socks well lets just say new species which may be a good thing who is to say. so to sum it up next time you are passed by a hippie and that pungent aroma of a non bather, razerless, bark rubbing, hemp scrubbing, none wiping, dreadlocked, green toothed, crosseyed, thong wearing, nerd of the organic, stings your olfactory nerve take a deep breath and try to get use to it because that is what green smells like.