been some time scince i blogged not that there has been nothing of interest happening in my life i just havent wanted to write it and i still dont but alass here i am so my thoughts latley are directed on trying to wrap mp head around why peaple are so weird hay im not saying i am not weird becouse i am and maybee thats the thing to think you are the normal ome is to admit you are way outside normality i notice the crazeis like you and me just keep to ourselves and just try to do a little good now and again but the normal so called peaple are trying to change everything so we all fit into there reality. so who are the real nut jobs you decide

personal space

I have been spending a great deal of time thinking about astrophysics and the theory of everything. On a recent winter scout outing i came to the sudden and startling realisation that i have a personal space bubble. i discovered this as a scout unintentionally invaded my personal space bubble as he removed his sock and placed his withered foot in between the front seat on our return journey. it became apparent that not only do i have a personal space bubble but that space bubble can be fogged. to perhaps further enlighten you in this fogging i quote a scout who said" i like scout camps because you don't have to worry about things like hugging" although i had already learned this fact to hear it from the very offender was stunning and to emphasis his statement the wind shifted just so leaving me with an indelible impression that still lingers. no sooner did i learn i had a personal space bubble i found a way to use it to my advantage. i refer to it as a defense mechanism. I'm not a real touchy feely kind of guy and i discovered that if i fog my own personal space bubble people will keep there distance. i also discovered some are able to fog what would appear to be a enormous space bubble so completely it interferes with others space bubbles including animals like bears. all in all this new discovery may just be the answer to everything or at least some questions anyway.

melting pott?

Preface; This is the second time in the last three months I have felt out of place, a redneck in a gay bar if you will. Don't get me wrong I have never been in a gay bar but I have seen one on tv so I am informed. To me, a more rustic individual the mentioning of a melting pott stirres up many visions in my head and several of them end badly for instance once I cooked mac and cheese and an hour later I had a melting pot or the remains of a melted pot and the smell was horrid, aluminum and plastic are definitely not complimentary. There was that one time when I warned jenny not to enter the bathroom due to a posible melting of the pott but I degress. I won't go into detail at this time on the rather trouble some drive we went through to get to this dinnery, instead I will in my expertice as a student of cullinary delites as leurned on the food network channel share with you my thoughts. For all of you who don't know the melting pot is a restaurant that serves fondue and for the red neck, fondue is when you impail your food with a stick and dip it in hot cheese, broth, or chocolate. Using your fingers is a bad idea and no it's
not easy cheese out of a can.

Its time to order I gratutiously accept the well made menu with a certain anticipation. I was hungry very hungry the days events had prevented me from ingesting any thing of substance and the smells wafting our direction were madning. i glanced the menu and it leered back almost angrily. i was confused how complicated could it be im not stupid i figured the value meals were out but come on i just want a meal. realising i was way over my head i alowed jenny who had experiences this sort of thing before to order our food. we began with cheese yes the melted heavenly goo that screams eat me with crackers vegies bread and apples? what ever-- i ll give it a try. i must say i was not dissappointed it was fantastic there was something primitive in stabbing each morsal and swirrling melted cow on it. we got two types of cheese spinch something or other and a traditional swiss i guess i need to study swiss traditions more cause that cheese had a funk to it that would drive a troll from under a train bridge but i ate it just figureing it must just be my ignorance at fine dinning.

secont course was a salad now i have done salads before and figured i couldnt go wrong and i did'nt it was jenny's falt she ordered it. she got some kind of an alpine salad with a vinagerette on it now i have always wanted to try a vinagerette cause on tv that seems to spark the intrest of the judges on "chopped" my first bite bite back yoasers once my eyes quit watering and my vision came back i glanced around at the smiles and delites expressed on my dinning companions faces questioning there sanity but fearing ridicule i continued with this fine dinning experience i must admitt the vinagerette grew on me and after the third bite i thought it rather good unfortunatly three bites is all there was

enough with the small stuff bring me the meal. on came our entree' first they bring a broath to warm up and its steam begins to rise encompansing us with its rich aroma unfortionatly i have also been encompased by that same aroma after finding a wet diaper a week after it had backed in a hot car. one again i glance around and all i can figure is none of my companions had ever found a week old diaper. on the up side i had never tasted a week old diaper so the smell didnt put me off. so they bring out a plate of meat and a bowl of veggies now were talking they were all raw which i am fine with i like my meat alot rare but i was disappointed in the fact that after sticking it on a stick you stuck it in the diaper water to cook and cooking takes time. do i need to mention this is about an hour into a meal i had been waiting for all day my stomach was a growling and then it started to flat out yell after i began sticking one bite of food in it evey 2 to 3 minuets. i just about starved while eating in my head i was calculating the amount of calories i was burnning verses the calories i was ingesting and it wasn't fat enough. finally after a great deal of work and due to all my companions being full i was able with the help of all get enough food infront of me to make me feel like i was eating. oh ya the food was rather good only adding to my frustation in the slow delivery.

now came the desert wow now that is some good eats i cant complain at all about the sweet morsils dipped in chocolate of various tates and consistancies. i get a tear in my eye just thinking about it not of its goodness it becouse that last marshellow covered in oreos dipped melted chocolate burnt my lip so bad that if screaming like a little girl was an option i would of.

It's rather annoying

Its a shrieking cat sliding down a twenty foot tall chalk bored at a high rate of speed amplified to the volume of a jet at take off. There is no choice in the matter you have to leave or you will go deaf. You know how you got like 5 minuets in 40 degree water before you die well I give you 5 minuets with a hotel fire alarm going off before you go deaf. They say stay calm but then they turn on a shrieking flashing strobe light that screams PANIC!!!. There is no escaping the noise it follows you screaming down the hall then the stairs all the way out to the car I can't even imagine how annoying the fire alarm would of been.

why his name is sayten



I exited the bathroom bleeding from several wounds, some of them serious and needing attention. It all happened so fast i didn't have time to think, its only a cat i reflected. I first met buster as I peered into the cat carrier he arrived in. He came from what my wife described as a nuts liberal vegetarian animal loving Liberian. I recall jenny mentioning some thing about the cat being a bit wild but i just blew her off . She would tell you that is a regular occurrence but i was just thinking, wild cat what ever I've dealt with wild before. Buster is house trained goes in a box and all so the plan was to let him be just that a house cat. because he may be a bit wild i put him in our master bathroom with all the comforts of a cat home food water etc. Letting him out of his carrier was uneventful he seemed a little tense but I've seen worse. He promptly retreated to the corner where he felt safe and I left him for the night so he could familiarise himself with hid new surroundings. The next morning as the jenny and the kids sat outside the bathroom anticipating the first look at there new pet i entered the room. I couldn't find him. there are not a lot of hiding spots in our bathroom so after a quick search we came face to face. i looked into a pair of eyes that seemed to say hold me I'm a scared little kitty. my hart melted i reached carefully to pet buster and boom he exploded. I have never in my life witnesses such furry in a animal. Teeth claws and flying fur hovered near my concerned face. I couldn't back up fast enough he was after me when i caught a glimpse of those kitten eyes they now screamed death and the focus was on me. Jenny said the sounds of the cat attacking were frightening, things getting knocked over paws being slammed against the door and the screams. I must admit I screamed like a girl as well as cursed like a sailor but that cat let out shuck yells as to curl my back hair I was terrified. I finally got the cat away from the door so i could exit it and i made my escape. My family let out a sie of relief to see i was still alive bleeding but breathing. are you alright daddy molly exclaimed as i turned and said i think we are renaming that cat sayten. they all had a good laugh but i realised i still had a crazy feline still holding my bathroom hostage. it was time to resort to drastic measures so i entered tossed a towel and leaped on the frothing boiling heap of tarrie cloth capturing the devil and throwing him back into his container . I quickly decided to make my garage sayten's new home and carried him out. The carrier exploded as my dogs tried to introduce them selves and i nearly lost control from the lurching and bouncing. my two 100 pound saintburnards backed off. the release in the garage was a success sayten now has a new environment to hide in and to any that are thinking of entering my garage all i say is beware sayten he is a evil crazy human killer and his thirst for blood is voracious.



ps the next day mikaydi ran into our room with the intent of using our bathroom i called out beware of sayten and she came to a screeching halt hand on the door knob and turned with a conserved look on her face and proclaimed i think i will use my bathroom.



pps as i tried to take a picture of sayten he reverted into his alter ego of nice little putty tat but trust me he is evil

dont think my random thought scinapses have for one minuet quit working on the contrary my thoughts have been so ransom and far spread i have not had time to colect them . i find myself fat after having lost 30 pound an a diet i went of it and pow the fats back not a shocker considering food happens to be one of my talents and by the way i am quite good at it. so here i go again squashing my talents into the ground o well cant win them all

the green movment "stinks"

i have on occasion been told that my hygienic aroma has some thing to be desired. for all who don't know me i must say my smell is well not top an my list of things to deal with. i care, don't get me wrong i just care less than you. i am happy to announce that do to the green movement we all can and will join the ranks of those who reek. now try to follow my thoughts here. it starts with water conservation saying you cant use as much water to shower. less shower more stinky. then in the interest to save a tree we will be asked or rather compelled to use less toilet paper i can see that going bad quickly. i have seen and smelled various brands of organic deodorant and soaps I'm not impressed not only do they smell bad i think it would be easier and better to just rub bark or pine needles under your arm. speaking of underarms I'm afraid for you ladies who find hair under their gross because it will soon be a sign of your participation in the saving of the earth. on a similar note the hairy leg look will soon follow. as for the shampoo i only have positive things to say. i was fortunate enough to get to use a hemp or marijuana shampoo. that was the most mellow shower i have ever had. (just wondering how do hippies with dreadlocks make the decision to shampoo or not with marijuana shampoo isn't that what you call a paradox. speaking of docks soon we wont have socks to cushion are feet on rocks on are walk around blocks o well that's hard knocks. when i don't were socks well lets just say new species which may be a good thing who is to say. so to sum it up next time you are passed by a hippie and that pungent aroma of a non bather, razerless, bark rubbing, hemp scrubbing, none wiping, dreadlocked, green toothed, crosseyed, thong wearing, nerd of the organic, stings your olfactory nerve take a deep breath and try to get use to it because that is what green smells like.

scout camp

i found it interesting to see my scouts all showered up and clean. i glanced twice as the sent of six different kinds of Colon wafted my direction. at second glance their hair was combed and clean close we adorning there freshly cleaned bodies. this struck me as strange especially this late in camp normally the fourth day all fresh clothing has been soiled in some way or another. curiosity pricked and i began to question what an earth was going on. finding one or two clean scouts may be expected but all of them. i started a little investigation and began to look into the matter. i remember being 12 or 14 years old at least i thought i did. i remember going to scout camp but i can not recall ever showering at one. so in my mind there has got to be some reason. my investigating turned up a likely suspect apparently not to far distant their was a girls scout camp. although not in session apparently there was enough pheromones still lingering in the air to cause the boys to react in a not typical fashion or maybe it is typical I'm the only one who never showered when i went to scout camp who knows

is that its eye dad

the restaurant Won King was only slightly crowded as me owen and frans entered. it was different some how. as i read the home made signs posted every were i realised that my favorite Chinese buffay has just jumped to a new level of awesome . with many excellent food selections my stomach gurgled hungrily as i read about the new sea food options that were now available. me and the boys don't get many opportunities to eat fish due to the fact that jenny despises it. so to celebrate are week of bachelorhood wail jenny relaxed in Vegas we set out to dine on fish. the fresh smell of simmering food under heat lamps wafted toward our table making us salivate. after are first trip to the smorgasbord of deliciousness we sat chop sticks in hand ready to feed our hunger. i personal dug in voraciously and noticed after several oysters and a fist full of sweet and sour pork frans was hesitating. this was not his first visit to the buffay and all food on his plate was asked for by him. i asked what? he replied do i eat the tail dad. well with shrimp you don't eat the tail so i said no. i see they took the brains out of this one he said and then proceeded to name all the parts that were missing from the squid, crab, fish extra. i found this kind of comical but judging from the green hue of those around us his anatomy lesson of the sea food was less than a hit. i get it, not all people think about what they are eating as much as frans dose and i do take the blame for that i have felt it important to make sure my kids have a good idea were there food came from for example i might say hay kids did you know you are eating cow butt..

good heck

its great got woken up at 2:00 am to go out and work and now here i sit wide awake with nothing to do. my stupid tv shuts down at mid night and locks me out or i would be watching some mindless dribble on that useless contraption so i try ed to face book that wont work either and i finally got my blog to work or i would still be mindlessly drifting threw the web trying to occupy time till i relax enough to get to sleep o ya did i mention that jenny is in Vegas so leaving the light on is an option i wish i was in the middle of a good book or even had a movie i wanted to see but Alas i don't maybe a hot bath is in order or a soke in the hot tub maybe some worm milk which is easy sense the boys don't put it back in the frig but i don't think i can get through the lumps this late at night so blaa blaa i guess I've bored you enough so i will quit this late night rant with a final word triethaldiclorinate

its awsome

I have an attractive ear. yes it is true my right ear is hot not so much my left but my right is stunning. you may ask yourself ? what?! don't, just go with it, don't be jealous we all cant have an attractive ear. how did i discover this fabulous attribute well i noticed it in my rear view mirror. me not having anything else to crow about, this discovery made my day. really, i at first was doubtful but after observing literally a couple of ears both in person and on the telly i discovered a mess off pierced, cauliflower, squished, crocked, nasty, wort ed, blobs that posed as a hearing devise slapped up the side of peoples heads. as for mine "big "yes but its hugeness just makes its perfect form visible for all. i have a particularly lushes lob. if for instance i was stupid enough to tarnish my lobs perfectness by a piercing it would be ah inspiring as it would only point out my lobs perfect symmetry. do i boast "heck yes i do" but its not boasting if it is true. so next time i see you i suspect i will see a wondering eye as you try to glimpse the ear of which i speak.

ists done

the lights have dimmed and the sun has set on yet another gathering of the klan. time has passed and my guess is so has the travel gas. i have found that trips home are generally made with more hast partly because of travel gas and although party's are great fun and rejuvenating in there own way home is always best were ever that may be. my thoughts on the reunion? i got tired. i love getting to gather and talking and talking till in the am's talking. i don't like to miss a joke a chuckle or a late night apple beer which by the way thank you buff for the plentiful supply i feel all were quenched. how fun is it to see the kids run around. for those who care i have unleashed the dog to his great joy and he has managed to make a mess of the mess. ( not wise to leave garbage out) my children already miss your children which i take for a good sign and i pissed owen and frans off by allowing miller to take the cards o well i know were some more are. it only took me till Tuesday night to recover from the all night er which by the way i did because that is what my dad would of done and i want to be like my dad. i am impressed with you all and appreciate you just being you its nice to know that in this messed up world that there are at least some who will hang out with a shy neurotic o.c.d. freak who smells and cant spell but likes to have a good time and to talk about fun times and can eat food and sleep with the best of them. i love you all and hope jay and carri are doing better with health issues and hope john and his family
get hunkered down in there new surroundings. we missed you and prayed for you. till we gather again in some pore unsuspecting coroner of space i bid you a farewell and a salutation of some sort of which i have yet to think of --------------P.S. i think spell check needs some work!

this weeks schedule...5am up for work back home at 8pm drive to mattawa asleep by 10pm up at 3am drive to olimpia wa for a 8am class till 430pm drive back home get home at 9pm to bed by 11.

what did i learn at class? considering it was a domestic water certification exam review (exciting i know) i learned Amazonian woman can have red hair. those that complain the most about the environment in this state are the ones that have ripped a gash of humanity scaring for ever the lovely hills of the west coast. a tattooed woman is apparently not as uncommon as i would of guessed. i learned that you really have a competition if you want to win the ugly contest. i found gender a mystery is it a she or is it a he what ever. whats the point in driving a hybrid car at twice the speed limit just wondering. i learned that i really really like living way out in the country.

i get heard

the windows rattle at the noise, was that a sonic boom? and why did that sonic boom sound like the neighbors again.
it has only now donned on me that i have no need for a megaphone. i don't even need to yell to get my thoughts heard over the roar of family life. i need to only ask, tell, plead, suggest or remind in my soft pleasant voice and the chain of sound begins. you ever been in a canyon and yelled to get ones attention and that person yells at the next person till you get a hold of the right person that is the phenomenon i speak of. for example i say "hey owen " haylee pipes up yelling "owen" which doesn't get owens attention but gets frans attention who yells "owen" getting molly and mikadis attention who yell "owen" wail running from room to room. you would think all this yelling would get owens attention, but no only after a phone call from the neighbors just to make sure owen is not lost, and jenny making face to face contact do i hear from owen. so you see i need no megaphone i only need to speak and boom the word spreads. oh ya about owens attention problem jenny said its genetic what ever that means.

cute ya right

cute, that's an interesting word. I've herd it used to describe molly and mikaydi on several occasions. i have even let my mind slip into the ""they are cute "frame of mind, but i know better. for example at Church to day they were both cute-ing at the top of there lungs to the point a sibling separation was necessary. they both also had there dresses on back words, cute or a conspiracy? most often i come home from work and there is cute all over the floor. occasionally some cute gets on the ceiling. they spill cute ,through cute, splash cute all over the bath room i must tell you its really cute when they get into my bathroom supplies. hey don't take my word for it, come over and let them get some cute on you.

its comming to a back yard far from you

just imagine a world were dutch oven cobbler, smores ,and the maverick hot dog are endless wail you sit by a fire talking to your sibling catching up and reminiscing about old times. cousins playing games and running around enjoying the each others company. excitement fills the air in anticipation of the up coming Scottish games. Evey one standing in line to toss the caber or to put the stone and other such manly games bagpipes blaring onioning the neighbors as spectate rs lounge drinking copiously from a number of beverage crystals. laughter erupts as a replay of old slide showes illuminates the night sky. the sweet sent of food lingering from meal to meal of free food which is provided by the hosts. pleasant night bring rest and relaxation for travelers of afar. a hot tub and kid swimming pool sooth tired bones. its a do or do not event its meant to be relaxing or not its up to you. yes i have been working hard to train my dog to make the event less slippery lets say. i have accommodations in mind like campers, rooms, tents i need to know if you have eny specific needs but not to specific you make me ill. i would appreciate it if you RSVP me some how allowing me to prepare i have herd from( mom and dad melinda kristine buff ) i will try to call but if i don't let me know your plans i do have beds for many i have even made the kids sleep on garbage sacks for a month now so the pee spots wont be as fresh. beds will go to those of greatest need and to those who ask first. the longer you wait to tell me whats up the more likely you will end up in a tent on the ground well i decided i would just call every one but if i don't RSVP and blaa blaa gab gab what ever

its happening right now

molly you are ruining our game. we are playing spy and if you see us playing it then that ruinins it owen said as he pears around the mound of dirty laundry. molly replies with a nonchalant well i could see you the hole time. the wind whipping the shingles of the house grinds the nerves of the home provider as visions of ditches running over haunt his tired brain. a steady droning thud permeate the air haylee's bobbing head keeping its perfect rhythm. crawling among the dinning clutter she picks and pushes small piles of debris from here to there in an effort to look like she is cleaning. on occasional a off key Bellow cuts the air which can only be explained by a possible recognition of the toon she is currently listening to. a vain jax stands in his crib in the Conner admiring himself in the full length mirror which poses as a door. with full understanding of his vocalising future he aahs and goo goos as loud as he can. frans in interest of fun has discovered a plastic knife and has currently engaged all the children in a running yelling fake knife fight. yells for varies children are repeated over and over until there attention is obtained mikaydie not wanting to be left out is herd adding her two some times three cents worth. hi yah, got ya, hay do my move, aaaaooooiiieee, scream, yell, singing, bowling, crying.

It must be bed time.

there she gose

I find it extremely funny to be resting in front of my TV in my room when the door bursts open and a hopping dancing wiggling mikaydia sprints to the bathroom door yelling got to go pottie daddy. i find it funny every thirty minuets every day so much for the luxury of the two restroom home.

a thought remembered

She huddled behind my leg as the fire light danced across the new bricks of the fire pit we just finished. Don't let it burn me daddy, she whimpered with fear in her eyes.
The camp ground bustled in the early evening. The sun had just sank into the ocean bringing disappointment to the young ones who expected steam to rise extinguishing the day. A crackling fire cut shadow dancers across the tent trailer and the sweat ting of smoke wisp ed in and out of my vision. Elated children hovered around a patient mother as tools and treats to make s'mores were pasted out. Roasting sticks adorned with fluffy sugar were thrust in and out of the red hot coals as instructions on the perfect marshmallow is pasted from one generation to the next . The fire springs to life as young boy, his first s'more experience, ignites his dangling marshmallow. frantically he whips the flaming stick back and forth in effort to extinguish the flaming morsel. time slowed as a moulting ball of flaming lava dislodges from his stick and sails smouldering into space. The pulsating mass of mellow appeared as the baking crust of an active volcano a writhing black mass with red moulting lave seeping threw the cracks.
Innocently anticipating her first chance to create a treat a small girl approaches the fire with reluctance. In a instant the night was interrupted with screams of terror. A marshmallow encrusted face wailed and screamed as the viscus burning fluid ran down her cheek and hair. a whirlwind of parents quickly ascertained the situation and proceeded to loudly bark profanity with some instructions. Cold water was tossed, ointment applied, and the remaining goo scraped from the victims hair and cheek. Time passes and pain subsided the adrenalin of the near miss fades as the camp grounds grows silent.
You could almost feel the ears straining to hear the outcome of the events. a small sound begins to fill the air as whispers drift softly from camp to camp. They all right over there, figures with that many kids something is bound to go wrong, and other more odious comments. Feeling the urge to relive everyone concerns I head for the trailer door to exclaim to all what a bunch of poo heads i thought they were. A calm collected wife gently chides me to humility by reminding me, due to the darkness are general location was unattainable by the mear sound of the events and most likely several concerned neighbors would of surly made use of their cell phones and contacted child protective services. with understanding i relaxed. Tempers calmed and sleep drew all thoughts of terror from the minds of those not still smouldering and only occasional whimpers in the night sired my slumber.
the next morning under a new light the burns already fading like a mild sun burn we drove nonchalantly from the camping ground. a small crowd of rubbernecking swollen eared misfits glared at us from reclined lawn chairs. I could feel the thoughts of bad parents drifting our way and chuckle as I look in the rear view mirror at the parents holding a cold one in one hand an a hot dog in the other yelling at there child who is painting lude signs on the restroom wall.

im here

i find myself signed in so i will post. an interesting thing accrued not just ten minuets ago wail sitting on the pot. not what you think i was there so jax could go to sleep and i could still be connected to the face book thing. then it happened jenny wail doing her nightly ritual jump as bellow her feet a loud snapping noise startled her inquisicly she glanced in my direction and i informed her i just placed a mouse trap in that vent and pow got the sucker time to reset.